


Half a Braid and a Shaved Pony Later

by QueenUndertheBloodyMountain



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: A Prank Gone Very Wrong, Family Humor, Gen, Other, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Two Actually, family love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-07
Updated: 2014-08-07
Packaged: 2018-02-12 05:59:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2098251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenUndertheBloodyMountain/pseuds/QueenUndertheBloodyMountain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fili and Kili might (definitely) have taken their pranks too far when Thorin accidentally becomes a victim.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Half a Braid and a Shaved Pony Later

**Author's Note:**

> Not meant as Durincest but can be taken like that if you squint. No beta and no ownership.

Things had gotten terribly out of hand—something that tended to happen whenever the two princes were ever involved. A simple prank war had begun a few weeks before, when Kili had startled Fili’s pony, on accident, and the animal had thrown the older prince into a large puddle resembling more of a deep, man-sized pool than anything else. The prince had emerged, sputtering and coughing as his brother nearly fell of his own mount in hysterics. The garden snake in Kili’s boot had seemed like adequate revenge to Fili, especially knowing his brother’s distaste towards them. Two weeks, half a braid, a shaved pony, an arrow wound, a slightly fractured skull, and bruised ribs and fractured knuckles later, they were staring at their uncle in horror as he wiped the thin syrup mixture and feathers off his stunned face. Fili was inside the room, Kili behind their uncle, and all three looked down to stare at the buckets that had fallen onto the oldest royal’s head as he had stepped through the door.

Fili was shaking in fear and shame; his pranks had always gone off without a hitch before this, where his brother was impatient and rash, Fili was always more thoughtful and organized on how to enact his schemes. He had mixed the syrup two nights ago, stashing the bucket in the cellar as he collected the last of the feathers (almost every chicken in the Blue Mountains had a handful missing from their rear ends, so as not to raise suspicion should only a couple naked birds appear instead) before being carefully balanced above his and his brother’s bedroom door, awaiting his brother’s return from lessons that always ran later than Fili’s sword practice. He had not, however, accounted for the possibility that Kili might not be _alone_ upon his return. The ix wouldn’t cause enough damage to warrant cutting hair—his brother already had issues when it came to hair growth, and Fili was not as cruel as his younger counterpart as to mutilate the dwarf’s head—but the feathers had clung to the mixture just as well as Fili had intentionally hoped, to his dismay.

Kili looked on in shock and disbelief, partly amused by the turn of events, more than slightly terrified of what would surely happen to him and his brother for the eventual outcomes of their war. This turn of events certainly wasn’t what he had expected when he had asked his uncle to examine his bow that afternoon, as it wasn’t shooting quite as straight as normal. Out of respect, he had dutifully followed his uncle through their house, and now into _this_.

For a long while, nobody spoke or moved, until Thorin, to his nephew’s bewilderment, began to chuckle and then laugh outright. Leaning over, hands braced on his knees and laughing so hard his entire frame shook, he looked ten years younger.

Still laughing, Thorin righted himself and walked through the house, down the steps and towards the back door of their home, right as his sister stepped through the doorway, Dwalin following close behind.

“Thorin!” Dis cried, looking her brother up and down in shock, “What in Durin’s name has happened to you?!”

He held up his hand, still laughing as he made his way out the door and into the yard, passing a very confused Dwalin in the doorway on the way out. The noble dwarf shed his outermost layers and unceremoniously dunked his upper half into a tub of water they kept for doing laundry, filled from recent days of rain, and began scrubbing the horrendously tacky mixture from his body, shoulders still shaking in barely suppressed amusement.

Dwalin walked slowly over to Dis, still holding the remainder of her groceries as he, Dis, and the boys (having carefully peered around the doorframe behind their mother) stared at the normally stoic dwarf before them, as if he'd suddenly gone insane (or maybe sprouted an extra head). Once deeming himself clean enough, Thorin stood up and shook himself out, his family and friend’s faces sending him into another fit of laughter. He held his side, walking over to his sister as he tried to explain.

“D’you remember—“ he gasped, grabbing his sister’s arm with his free hand, “Frerin and I—prank gone wrong? Father covered in eggs and flour! S’posed to have been Frer!” he bellowed, doubling over again.

Dis began chuckling too then, to everyone else’s confusion, as she remembered the prank her brother was referring to now, her laughter escalating until both siblings clutched to each other as they dissolved into stitches, tears streaming down their cheeks from it all.

Later they would explain to Dwalin and the boys that Thorin and Frerin, much like Fili and Kili, would constantly prank one another—sometimes getting so out of hand that they would land themselves into unbelievable amounts of trouble with their eldest family members. And that, during one of these pranks, Thorin’s plan had gone terribly wrong (much like Fili’s had) and Thrain, instead of Frerin, would walk through the doors at the worst moment, only to be met with a face full of flower and eggs as he headed into the royal kitchens of Erebor. The siblings would laugh at the memory of both brother's and father’s faces, and about Thorin’s month long guard duty as punishment. At that moment though, all they could do was keep laughing at the shared memory of those happier times with their missed sibling. One sentence however, wheezed out of Thorin as he tried to gain his breath, would make both Fili and Kili’s faces drain of all color.

“I’ll punish—later,” he managed, still clinging to his side and his sister, yet another wave of chortling and chuckling coming over them once more.

~ **FIN** ~ 

**Author's Note:**

> I just really like the idea of Thorin NOT being such a tight ass all the time (outside of smut that is) and I can really imagine he and Frerin used to be the biggest pain in the asses when they were together growing up.
> 
> For the pranks (in order of appearance;  
> -Kili startled Fili's horse  
> -Fili puts a snake in his brother's boot  
> -Kili puts some sticky sap into Fili's hair  
> -Fili shaves Kili's pony (and makes a sort of itching powder he put in Kili's small clothes)  
> -Kili shoots Fili in the ass/thigh with a practice arrow  
> -Fili hits Kili with a hammer during training (he swears it was an accident)  
> -And Kili punches a drunken man in a bar and blames Fili
> 
> Prequel [here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2103978).


End file.
